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“If you don’t understand Hero’s humour, go kill yourself”

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The Fist Five

In an age where all sorts of hand greetings have been created and where most are far shitter than the normal handshake it is with great pride that Hero has brought the ‘Fist Five’ into the world.


Combining the solid runners up to the handshake; the fist pump and the high-five this greeting not only looks cool but also has the best name.


To perform this greeting initiate with your fist, the reciprocate then produces his open palm and you greet. This is then reversed as the reciproate now fists and you five thus completing the ‘Fist Five’.


Remember the only rule for this greeting is to initiate with the fist!



Heavy Metal Swearing

In an age where swearing seems to be vital it is good to know that heavy metal has its own version; well it would be if anyone paid attention to Hero.


Simply following your choice of the V or middle finger swear, add the metal horns and then you have the perfect, non-vocal ‘fuck you’.


Jokes

Creating a joke is no easy feat and here are some Hero originals:


Q: What is the difference between Jeremy Hunt falling out of a window and AIDS?

A: I’d rather catch AIDS


The brilliance of the above joke is you can substitute the person and/or the illness to keep it relevant. When I first told this joke in a Siary it was about Nick Griffin but who the hell cares about him anymore?


Where does yeast commit incest?

In Bread.


What bodily function do rednecks drink out of?

A Hick-cup


Who predicted nose jobs before they were even a thing?

Nostrildamus


What's the worst thing about consuming alcoholic apple based drinks?

The cide reffects


Why are parents who have had a sex-change so bad at lying to their kids?

Because they are so transparent.


Why do people always hate a prisoner that falls down the stairs?

Because they're condescending.


What Religion do people with stubs for arms prefer?

The Armish religion


I don’t understand why they don’t create sinkholes in Africa, I mean a lot of them don’t have kitchens…


*Most of these can be found in Siary’s and I am sure I am missing some from them too.


Two new ones for you from around July ‘19 (and they haven’t got any better).


What does a male bee drink when next to his wife?

Bee Cider


What do you call mayonnaise left out for a month?

Juneonaise



It can’t be said Hero is not ahead of the game. The nation’s favourite duo Ant & Dec on the nation’s favourite show I’m a Celebrity… can quite clearly be seen performing the Fist Five. Hero is weighing up his legal options but is also happy to see the dominance of his own greeting.

Fist Five Update

Hero Fallen

When most people die, once their family and friends cry for a bit they will be forgotten, lost in the mists of time.


Hero is one of the rare few that should not (even though he probably will) as he has invented a few things that did not previously exist. These are not just any old things either, but really important things that will change your life once you know about them.


To ensure you do know about them (if you ever reach this site (which you have if you are reading this)) they have been recorded for posterity below.