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“If you don’t understand Hero’s humour, go kill yourself”

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Well for centuries now I have been appearing on pieces of toast, walls, ice-cream, tops of beer/coffee etc. and it seems not to have had the same impact as the written form. Sure I get some newspaper coverage but it is usually just as a 'fun titbit' thing, the dude or lass that finds me is portrayed as a nutter/senile and the whole thing seen as a bit of a joke. It's not really the impact I was hoping for.

So anyway I am returning to my old format, the written word and like in my previous attempts I am having them written for me (thanks Hero). Call it words inspired by God, or written by God through humans (human in this case) or whatever you fucking like, point being I wrote it.

How do you know this is from God and not just Hero writing it pretending to be me? Well you seemed fine with the Bible and the Koran being written by me without any evidence so why are you asking me for any evidence that this was? Have faith you ungrateful shit-fucks!

To let you know I am making a few major changes to my writing style to make it easier for you to read:

Firstly I won't be writing a book like a newspaper! Every other book aside from my old ones pretty much reads from one side of the page to the other rather than stop halfway across and with Hero's advice I have decided to do the same here (though on the inter-web of course).

Secondly, according to Hero capitalising every reference to me (Him/He etc.) like I used to do in the old days is a little pretentious so I have scrapped that too.

Thirdly I used not to curse in written form. Sure you'd see me kill, maim and torture but you'd never catch me swear (what would my mother think) and Hero says there is no need to censor myself these days. All the top movies have swearing in and Hero couldn't be arsed anyway to bleep them all out. So here it is at last, God uncensored you odious cunts! That felt good.

Finally, well I am obviously writing in a more relaxed style. Got a problem with that? It doesn't really matter does it? I am God! Plus if you are of the weak hearted you are not exactly going to like the rest of it so you might as well stop reading and prepare for hell instead! So that's the boring shit out the way with (if I've missed some stuff I'll add it in later, like I said this is going to be waaay more relaxed), now let's get on with this thing and my first big revelation of the Bible Part II.