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Why do people have such a hang-up about people fucking animals? I only ask as someone who doesn’t want to. It seems a little too much interaction to me but then so does every other animal interaction. If you get to have every other type of human interaction with an animal and that’s fine, why is this one not?

Pet Owner: He’s my baby…

Hero: Did he come out of your vagina?

Pet Owner: The dog sleeps in our bed.

Hero: Is that not a bit weird, I mean unless you are…

Pet Owner: He’s out little boy...

Hero: Oh so you fucked his father, that would explain the four legs and tail.

Every time animal fucking comes up (you know like all the time) the reason people say it’s wrong is because the animal isn’t truly able to consent in the same way a kid can’t truly consent. The way I see some dogs hump literally anything I would argue the point but that aside can you truly say they consent to any form of human interaction?

Did they consent to you deciding to own it? Did they really want Asda Own Brand over Pedigree Chum? You’ll never truly know will you. But they love me you’ll say… how do you know it’s not just because you’re the nearest food source or because they had no choice to be owned by anyone else? Unlike children who grow up, they can’t after ten years start communicating with you in a way you can actually understand. If they could come to a point of comprehension and expression how’d you know it wouldn’t end up as below:

Pet Owner: I love you and I always have.

Pet: You put a leash around my neck when we went out, made me eat out of a bowl and shit in a tray! Plus we weren’t related and not once did you put out… are you sure it was love?

Let’s be clear I am not advocating sex with animals, just un-advocating the rest and only for one reason. It’s the same reason for my last Siary on people with children. Stop telling me about them; I really, really don’t care.

On another and more worrying note, have I finally been single too long? This advert keeps popping up on my Facebook timeline and I can’t help rather than be turned on by the sight of expensive vacuum cleaners instead just see the word dildo.

The break has only made these entries worse!

And Now Pets…