Home | Contributors | Hero Fallen | Fallen Heroes | Support | Friends

Words | Sounds | Lists | Visuals

“If you don’t understand Hero’s humour, go kill yourself”

All content © cheeryourselfdeaf.com

Website design @cheeryourselfd

From the tons of letters I haven’t received its obvious no-one has been that bothered that I haven’t reviewed the last Machine Head show I was at. I have been pretty good recently at doing reviews and the Machine Head one even had a hook and every passable review needs a hook. If you don’t have a hook (unless you are a professional reviewer and going to shows you are told to) the risk is the review will just be you reeling off songs you obviously like and know are going to be played well; Oh what a surprise, the guy who likes the band and travelled and paid to see them does a review in which he says they’re great!


The hook in this case was some asshole pouring beer over the PA meaning the band had no sound for 20 minutes. As the band were all on in-ears they had no idea for about half of a song that the sound had cut out for the audience and must have been wondering why the audience were doing a weird new ‘dance’ with their arms until they stopped playing. It has to be stated that Machine Head were great about it and waited until the issue was fixed and then finished a full set, going passed the curfew. Brixton Academy also need credit for allowing that to happen and the sound guys for managing to fix the issue.


Now I have shared the ‘hook’ I might as well also tell you it was great seeing Logan and Chris back in the band and whilst of course the first half of ‘standard’ Machine Head was great, the second half was special although spoilt by the beer-hole. I was actually already going to discuss, as part of the non-existent review, people throwing beer at gigs as I had been hit by some stray beer a couple of times at this gig and as always it had pissed me off. What is the point? Well done for spending money on an overpriced beer to slightly ruin someone else’s night; yeah I really wanted beer down my back dick-muncher. However it turns out you can actually ruin the whole audience’s night and cause thousands of pounds worth of damage at the same time by throwing a beer and that is, as you can guess, more than slightly annoying. The beauty of gigs is they take you away from the real world for a couple of hours but incidents like this pull you straight back to it. Asshats are everywhere!


The other Machine Head news that I wanted to mention is that they are returning to the UK in the summer of next year and being a fan I had booked a couple of shows. I was delighted I had too as it’d be nice to see the Burn My Eyes reunion part of the show all the way through without the beer-hole.


I was, as well as excited also in a very proactive mood and so last Sunday booked the hotels too, one in Brum, one in London. I was especially keen to do the London one as it’s hard to get a reasonable deal and Alexandra Palace is a bitch to leave from. I was going to negate that problem by getting a hotel right next to the venue and therefore make the travel away much easier by doing it the next day. I booked a hotel that was a ten minute walk from the venue and was delighted with my work.


The very next morning Machine Head announced that they were very excited as a result of the beer-hole incident to be moving their Alexandra Palace show back to Brixton to do a special make-up show for the fans. Everyone sounded delighted about this aside from Mr Organised. Mr Organised had of course booked a non-refundable hotel only a few hours before and his ten minute walk had now become an hour trek across London needing a tube and a bus! Mr Organised also found out that if you book through Booking.com the hotel just refer you back to the site and the site doesn’t seem to have anyone you can talk to to explain your case. I guess I can consolidate the thought of having a cooked breakfast the next morning with the considerable upping of my ‘per hour sleeping cost’. I have no doubt however Machine Head will make the show worthwhile and I will forgive them unless they then also move the Brum show as that walk is currently five minutes!


The above has been a standard Hero moan but now we get onto the darker part I have hinted at in the title. I don’t know why I put disclaimers on these things because the people that read this have known me for years and understand that my humour can be dark and that humour is just that, humour. However if you are somehow here and not a usual reader this next bit is dark but also, JUST HUMOUR!


For my sins I have been watching I’m a Celebrity and one of the celebrity’s for their special item had bought in a picture of a woman from Loose Women (The UK equivalent of The View). Some of the other contestants had slightly mocked her for it as it wasn’t a picture of someone she actually knew or something useful like a pillow. She got really upset and they had to console her and backtrack saying of course bringing in a photo of someone she didn’t know from a TV show wasn’t silly and yes whenever they would do a challenge they would touch the photo for good luck.


That amazes me, not only could they not even suggest (and it was done jokingly, they didn’t actually mind) that brining in a picture of a random person on TV was not the best choice, they now also had to go along with her rituals in that touching it would bring them better luck in the trials. She will say ‘touch the picture for luck’ as they head off to the trial and they all do it. Some even do it without prompting. Can’t upset the most offended… it’s not up to them not to get offended is it, no you must drop your desire to speak thoughts. Of course the easy option is just to touch the picture as it avoids the conflict and I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t admit that I touch the hypothetical picture all the time in my actual life. The only people that truly see the other side is those that read this and here you lucky people are. By the way this is still not the darker side of the piece, just the build-up; here finally the darker part comes.


Even more excitingly next year was the prospect of seeing Agnes Obel again. At my age and musical listening experience (that sounds far more pompous than its meant, I am simply trying to say that by being old I have had many years to listen to music) it’s a wonderful moment when something new to your ears blows your mind and Agnes’ music did that. I remember hearing The Curse live in Berlin and being awestruck. I started to check a few other tracks out and none disappointed. I quickly bought the album that track was on and no songs disappointed and this continued with the other two albums and then the subsequently released covers/remodels of own songs album and those things are never usually that good. The two times I had seen her live she had also been amazing and now I had the chance to do it all over again.


The couple of shows I had picked out to book worked out well too, Salisbury and then London. Being towards the end of the week I could do the Salisbury one (a small intimate venue) on the way up to London, meet my sister and a good friend (who occasionally reads these) for the London show and then spend the weekend with my sister and the rest of my family. I could do the family thing and combine it with one of my favourite artists; wonderful.


The problem was however that a work colleague was also planning some time off and we can’t really take holidays at the same time. I had managed that last year for the Regina Broadway shows (I had to do them, Regina on Broadway common!!!) but I doubted it would be as easy to request again and besides, there were other shows on the tour I could go to. I had checked out another route, Dublin and then Manchester but it was further and not the right end of the week. It really wasn’t ideal but my colleague had a family holiday planned and I couldn’t ask her to move it as the person had been looking forward to it for a long time and before I even knew about these shows. It all depended on if the family holiday clashed with the dates. They would check…


I didn’t want to push too much but it was taking a little while. They appreciated that I would need to know as tickets were going but still they waited and said they’d let me know next week. Next week started and I still didn’t want to push but finally a phone call happened, the person left the office and then came back in looking upset and because I am a nice guy I asked what the matter was. They explained:


The family holiday is now not happening over the Agnes dates. The reason we were looking to book the holiday over those dates and not our usual time over the summer was because a family member was pregnant and we wanted to do the holiday early so that person could come…


I nodded my head…


However we’ve just got news that person has had a miscarriage and therefore there is no need to push the holiday forward and anyway we are all obviously upset…


That was horrible news, what can you say to comfort someone that has had that news to deal with? I did the best I could…


All I can say is the Lord works in mysterious ways (they are religious so this I knew would strike a good chord)… and sometimes you just don’t know why he allows things like this to happen I started…


But in this case we have to look at the positives


This was going really well…


I really wanted to go to the Agnes Obel shows and I think the Lord knew this and saw how the Salisbury and London route was perfect as it meant I could also see my family and…


I saw the smile start to form on her face…


And now I get to see one of my all-time favourite artists and even better for you, you get your preferred holiday dates back again!


She smiled and gave me a hug…


You’re almost completely right. The only disagreement I have is in this case the Lord doesn’t work in mysterious ways as after you explained it I can fully see his reason behind it. She then continued…


I really hope you enjoy the shows, I’m sure we’ll get over the miscarriage.


And there you have it, I have had a nightmare of a year trying to sell a house and in the same month that completed I get the added wonderful news I can also go and see Agnes. And there is the twist you didn’t see coming, I was joking about the ending being dark! How can you not come away feeling uplifted? It’s been an amazing month in which I’ve seen Machine Head, sold my house and had the icing on the cake of being able to see my preferred Agnes shows. Isn’t life wonderful!!! It’s enough to make you want to believe again!!!

 


Return To The Dark