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“If you don’t understand Hero’s humour, go kill yourself”

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The things people say can be interesting, stupid, smart and funny. It’s been a while since I have written anything on them so here are a few things I’ve noticed in the last few weeks or so.


Brexit


The argument that is trotted out by leavers that most annoys me is when the subject of a second referendum is bought up the reply is; We knew what we voted for and we voted for leave so you should respect that decision.


The first part may very well be true, that you knew what you voted for but are you honestly telling me that after three and a half years of non-stop Brexit analysis and discussion you’ve learnt nothing more? The argument is always, ‘don’t call these people stupid they knew what they were voting for’ but my answer is, I am not calling anyone stupid for the decision they made but I am calling them stupid if there opinion hasn’t grown in some way since that vote. I am not saying you have to have gone from leave to remain, I am just saying that your justification for leaving if that is your stance should have got stronger. If you can’t argue your stance better now than you could when you made your initial vote then you haven’t been paying attention and you have no right to dismiss a second referendum. If you have been paying attention and your argument is even more concrete that leave is the best option then you would welcome a second referendum as your case would be much stronger and a wider winning margin would cement the decision.


The second part of the argument is always leave meant leave but as we now know there are a ton of different leave options. People weren’t given the option of no deal, this deal or that deal and to say all leave voters voted for the same leave is not true.


The Environment


Grant Shapps on Question Time repeatedly made the argument that the environmental protesters in this country shouldn’t be protesting in this country because we are not the worst polluters. These protesters should go to the countries that are much worse polluters and protest there. This is a ridiculous argument for a few reasons:


1. If they all flew to that country it would increase the environmental footprint.


2. It’s a global movement, people in those countries are already protesting in those countries.


3. Because something is worse somewhere else it  doesn’t make the place you are in not worthy of protest. For instance just because Ian Watkins attempted to rape a one year old, doesn’t mean that non-consensual sex with a twenty year old isn’t worthy of protest.


4. If Grant Shapps believes that all protesters need to protest only in the worst polluting countries then he should only seek election in the least democratic countries. Therefore I look forward to him resigning his seat and running for office in North Korea.


Driverless Cars


I had a lift the other day from someone who looked out the window and then said, ‘Hero look over there, that car has no driver’. I looked over and said, ‘Erm yes it does’. The person looked back and was mortified, because she then noticed the black man holding the steering wheel. Who would have thought driverless technology could be as simple as putting a black person in a car and hoping for a cloudy day? I am going to assume many would find this situation racist but I couldn’t help but laugh. This person was so convinced she’d seen the future in a glance she had to tell me and then realised a split second later she hadn’t.


Pesky Phrases


It’s hard to remember exact phrases sometimes. I was chatting to a lady and we were talking about how secrets never stay secret as as long as one other person knows that one person will always tell one more person and that person also has someone they confide in and so it spreads… ‘Even the eyes have ears’ she helpfully stated.


The Otherworldliness of Rich People’s Lives


I was talking to a lady who was watching a TV series about  the super-rich and the episode in discussion was regarding luxury private planes that had been commissioned. She listed all the luxury items that these planes contained and having stated a few things then continued ‘they have chairs that turn into seats’… Can you imagine that? Chairs that turn into seats! The day I make my millions I’m going to get myself some of those chairs that turn into seats.


Irrelevant Point


Recently and unfortunately the lead singer of Metallica returned to rehab and this was picked up by various news sources. One particular rock news site has a comments section. In this comments section people commented. The obvious comment in my eyes would be something like, ‘I hope he gets well’ or ‘Wishing James the best’ if commenting was needed at all. What was odd is this post:


I don’t think Metallica has written a good album since Master of Puppets, I think that the song-writing since then…


For those that are unaware Master of Puppets was released in 1986. People are still finding relevance in discussing a band they have found irrelevant for over thirty years! This blows my mind in any Metallica story that is printed on this site but let’s remember the headline; the frontman has just entered rehab! Dave O’Metal didn’t at any point concern himself with this though because his thoughts on the decline of the band that happened over 30 years ago was pressing on his mind. It’s insane.


Directions


This one isn’t words but such an amazing feat I had to end with it. Dear friends of mine both went to Exeter with me for the day. Having had lunch myself and the man of the relationship had an engagement with Richard Herring. The female preferred to head home. Not being the best at navigation we pointed her in the direction of the station and headed to the show. The instructions were very simple; follow the canal until you reach the station. It was the exact same route we had used get to where we were and it was in a straight line.


Ten minutes later as we were about to cross the road we noticed his partner walking towards us. Convinced she was walking in the right direction she was really surprised to see us and said ‘Why didn’t you walk with me if you were heading the same way?’ We of course weren’t heading the same way and she had somehow made a complete 180 and had she not bumped into us would have merrily continued walking further and further away from the station. Considering the one instruction she had was to follow the canal it’s even more confusing how she had reached where she had with no canal in sight. We therefore walked her to the main road, faced her in the right direction and told her to walk in an even straighter line than the already almost straight canal route. Thankfully this time she made it and we were able to enjoy the show.


Hero Error


I of course in this time have made no faux pas and will see you for the next Siary.

Things People Say